Submitting to God

I recently finished the Kay Arthur bible study on Covenant. It was a life changer! I don't say that lightly. It was the second bible study that I walked away from with a big life change. First, was "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It was the bible study that God used to draw me back to him and turn my hurt and anger into a passion to draw closer to God and to find my way here on earth through him. Now 9 years later I have completed the Covenant study and I am learning what freedom in Christ is and not worrying about the do's and don'ts. I get so wrapped up in what I think should be done and whether I have measured up to the standard of family and friends that I stay bogged down in what I perceive as failure. When all along I should have been praying on a daily basis to submit to what God wants me to do and how he wants me to walk through the day.

I will be honest at first I thought this was going to be an easier way to live.....not so much! The first few days were so freeing and peaceful. However, yesterday was a battle from the moment I opened my eyes till the second they finally closed. Yesterday I felt God leading me to research in depth some scripture I had read in 1 Corinthians that had really confused me. I didn't do it because I thought why on earth would God want me to research those scriptures? Well, this morning as I grabbed my bible I felt that tug again to research the scriptures and commentaries and see what all the verses meant. So I did. Amazing! That might be the only word to describe how I feel. I researched the word then simply wrote out a prayer saying how I was more confused about why he wanted me to research these words. Then it happened. I felt him open up my ears to hear what he has been trying to get through to me for so long. He spoke to me about how he drew me back to him 9 years ago and how I am his and I am forgiven and I need to forgive myself and move forward. Now I understand the battle in my heart and head yesterday. Satan is on the move and attacking because he knows that where he has held me captive for so long is about to come to an end. God is moving. I am yearning to know and live in the freedom that Christ has given us. I don't want to be bound by perfection and not living up to the standard that I have created. No one could live at that standard anyway but it is where I draw the line in the sand and say either you do it or your a failure. Today I feel one step closer to forgetting the standard all together.

So as a side note. While I was typing all this out I realized there is a number that just keeps coming up lately in my life. The number nine and I felt led to look that up and saw that in biblical meaning it is a number about finality or judgement. Kind of scared me at first but then I read that it could be finality of a matter. Hmmm, I wonder could this be the conclusion to a life lesson that began nine years ago in Breaking Free? It will be interesting to see.