Sending up a Prayer Tonight
I received a call from my mom tonight that they think my grandmother is passing away. I have thought for some time now that I was prepared for this call but I find myself aching to be back home by her bedside.
I grew up with my grandmother being in my life everyday till I started driving. She has a place in my heart that I can't put into words. She led me in the sinner's prayer in her back bedroom, she taught me how to sew and make tiny stitches, and I learned to play piano on her upright piano that I now own and see my little Jackson banging the keys to his own melodies. She would be tickled to watch him enjoying the piano. I can hear her humming they hymns as I would try and learn them. You know most of my memories of her is either sewing, cooking, gardening, or being in God's word. Wow! There were so many times when I just thought she was so not in touch and now I am remembering back and seeing just what all she knew and how she has shaped my life. She taught me to be strong and she taught me how to be a good Christian wife and mom. I am so amazed that I am just now seeing what a powerful influence she had on my life. I love all the things that she taught me to do and all the things she enjoyed doing.
I find myself weeping and longing to talk to her tonight as I have numerous times since she began suffering from dementia. We had a connection and relationship that I don't think I could ever explain. I want to ask her all kinds of questions like how to knit and how she made her fried chicken and green beans. (mine never are as good as hers) I want to ask her more questions and get more information about her life; details I have forgotten over time. I want to know how to can and freeze vegtables the way she did. I feel like I took the time that I had with her for granted and never thought she would really get sick.
I find myself feeling guilty because I haven't been back home as much as I should have to see her since moving to Nashville. I left my hometown in a rush to get away from hurts of that season in my life and pushed my family and loved ones away. Now I realized that I didn't straighten up and get things right with my family till she was already sick and not herself anymore. I wonder what she would say to me now that I am a mom and wife and really trying to live like she taught me.
I think I have always tried to avoid this day. I tell my mom all the time that my grandmother would never want to live in the condition she is in and I know that is the truth. However, it does not make this subject any easier to deal with. I have hated to see her suffer. I have asked why a million times over and tonight I just want to ask God for peace for me and my family and his will over my grandmother.
If you can, say a prayer for her.
I love you Grandmother.
I grew up with my grandmother being in my life everyday till I started driving. She has a place in my heart that I can't put into words. She led me in the sinner's prayer in her back bedroom, she taught me how to sew and make tiny stitches, and I learned to play piano on her upright piano that I now own and see my little Jackson banging the keys to his own melodies. She would be tickled to watch him enjoying the piano. I can hear her humming they hymns as I would try and learn them. You know most of my memories of her is either sewing, cooking, gardening, or being in God's word. Wow! There were so many times when I just thought she was so not in touch and now I am remembering back and seeing just what all she knew and how she has shaped my life. She taught me to be strong and she taught me how to be a good Christian wife and mom. I am so amazed that I am just now seeing what a powerful influence she had on my life. I love all the things that she taught me to do and all the things she enjoyed doing.
I find myself weeping and longing to talk to her tonight as I have numerous times since she began suffering from dementia. We had a connection and relationship that I don't think I could ever explain. I want to ask her all kinds of questions like how to knit and how she made her fried chicken and green beans. (mine never are as good as hers) I want to ask her more questions and get more information about her life; details I have forgotten over time. I want to know how to can and freeze vegtables the way she did. I feel like I took the time that I had with her for granted and never thought she would really get sick.
I find myself feeling guilty because I haven't been back home as much as I should have to see her since moving to Nashville. I left my hometown in a rush to get away from hurts of that season in my life and pushed my family and loved ones away. Now I realized that I didn't straighten up and get things right with my family till she was already sick and not herself anymore. I wonder what she would say to me now that I am a mom and wife and really trying to live like she taught me.
I think I have always tried to avoid this day. I tell my mom all the time that my grandmother would never want to live in the condition she is in and I know that is the truth. However, it does not make this subject any easier to deal with. I have hated to see her suffer. I have asked why a million times over and tonight I just want to ask God for peace for me and my family and his will over my grandmother.
If you can, say a prayer for her.
I love you Grandmother.
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